I can't handle love anymore.

I can't handle this feeling anymore. This feeling of love. I can't stop to catch my breath. It always has me on the run and it kills me. When i look at her I see the person i want to keep happy for the rest of my life. But it is hard yo tell her since she is in a different state. This feeling, it's different. It is stronger than any other force I've felt before. Like I am meant to protect her and be her shield and sword. How do I tell her that I'm in love with her? It's not easy because I don't want our friendship get destroyed by one simple thing. And I'm also a coward about everything. Hearing her voice makes me feel safe. I feel safe hearing her voice and i enjoy talking to her. The sound of her voice comforts my mind and all i can do is smile when i hear her voice. Each time she laughs i know I've done something right. But how can i tell her that i have feelings?

I'm tired of the depression

I'm really tired of always feeling like I'll never be happy. I just want to be happy with friends and family, but I can't. I don't know how to control it. Can someone really control depression? If so how? I've tried to control it for so long and now it's taking over of how i act and talk to my friends and family. I just wish it could end. But i know when people say that they want to commit suicide but not me. I just want the saddness to not be in my life, but it's in everyones life. I guess I should speak my feeling to someone but I don't know who to talk to about it.

I Don't Know What to Do

I know I've always said I want to help people buy talking them out of dumb situations but I still don't know what to do. I'm awkward to talk to, i never know what to say, and i never have been a conversation starter. So how can i talk to strangers if i can't start a regular conversation without me stuttering and saying "um" all the time. But i guess i can help people by writing these blogs. It may help someone if i ever get famous enough to make an impact on someone. And i need to have the time, money,and resources to learn how to write a legit blog, and i need more information about people that struggles with depression, or someone that has a family issues. But if you need someone to talk to with more experience ask someone like a family member, teacher, and/or a expert.

can you see me?

it will be 11 years this year that you have passed Papa. I know you are proud of me, i hope. i can't cope with the sadness inside. i need someone to help me to get i want someone with your strength , i need your hope, i need your love, i also need your willingness. please help me i need you. i need someone that knows what im feeling inside. so please come and help i need someone as strong as you. i need someone that is as brave as you are to come and help me.

I am called

I feel like i was born into this world to save it. When i was a baby i should have been dead, i weighed around 4 pounds and when i went to sleep i wouldn't breath, and i had surgery around that time to. Then time has passed, 11 years old, I was in a single four wheeler wreck. I was spost to be dead but my back pack saved me.( i only had a binder in my bag) But if it weren't for my bag and Jesus i wouldn't be living today. I don't know the true purpose why i'm here but i know that you should never gie up on life.

What Do I Do

What is it?What do I need to do? Am I needed to live a normal human? No,that can't be right. I'm here for a reason,I don't know what it is but i'll find out what it is. When something goes bad i wanna take the blame. I can't help that it's just me. I wanna help as many people as i can, I try but I  cause more pain than I make them feel better. What I need is help,not the suicide hotline,no I need a person to know how i feel.What people don't understand is that i would die for then but they won't do the same. I've seen what we humans are when we are treated like animals. We turn to monsters that can't be tamed. The people that are the good guys, they are discredited. I put myself in depression to know what or how it feels like. I need to help,I will not anyone die under my watch. This is what i want.This is what I need, I need to help the depressed,suicidal, and the alone. But I'm scared to help I've always had a heart for the lost. I'm scared of messing up,I've lied to my family. But if you are depressed,suicidal, or alone I'm here to help I understand what you are going through. Don't be afraid to tell someone, they will understand that you need them as a friend or a family member. When i put myself in depression ifeel alone,lost. But when i told someone it went away. But it doesn't work for everyone. I just want to help people. I wanna make the world a better place. I don't know where to start tho. Ii don't know who is going to be the next victim of suicide,or different things. But i'll stop with this rant so talk to you guys later.See ya.

the night he came home

Day 1

Hi my name is John and I work for the FSPD. I'm working on a new case the surprised me, the witnesses said that the suspect was wearing all black and was carrying a big sword or knife of some sort. It caught my attention because I've heard of a case like this but it wasn't with the blade, it was with a gun and the guy was in all white. But of course i wasn't working here but word gets round when your the new guy. But I decided to help her.



Day 2

I'm outside of the house where approximately the killer lives. Just went in nothing strange yet but there is pictures of the victims after they you know...died. I found him, he's dead in the hallway, looks like a suicide. we ran some DNA scans and he is the killer. His name is Henry Rogers  and he was working for an unknown organization which I shall not say the name of. After talking to him he told us that he was an assassin  and he wanted to get revenge o the people that hurt his family. After that we still told him he was still going to prison for life from the charge of manslaughter,breaking and entering, and grand theft. He was brought to an highly protected prison so we know he won't get out anytime soon.



Day 3 


Ok this will have to be my last entry I can't stand this job any more they are crazy here. They are calling me in at 4 in the morning and i can't even get an explanation for it. They also set security cameras in my house, put my office in the lounge and finally set my case on an old woman who said that her cat attacked her and she wants the cat arrested for that. So this is my last entry and i'm moving out into a different town. So-long family.